Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
