There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
