Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
