it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
