mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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