I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
