Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize