The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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