you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
