I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
