the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
