We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
