he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Pants are for mortals
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