I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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