Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
only you would photoshop your dick
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
