it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
