My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
