i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Dignity is for republicans.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
