Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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