I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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