We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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