My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
