May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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