i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
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