I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
