I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
