i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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