a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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