I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
