You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
