Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
