Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
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