Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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