so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
