I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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