I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
high people should be assigned attendants
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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