idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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