Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
