I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
