your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
