there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
