I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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