Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
