My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
