Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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