And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
