tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
