you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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