Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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