We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
foreskin is a definite game changer
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
