Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
She announced her abortion via fbk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
