Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Having Fatherās Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. āHey dad just calling to say I love you.ā While Iām navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Fatherās Day.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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