Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
be right there i have to get my cape
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
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