she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
