Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can text with my tongue
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I lost the right to judge tonight
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
