Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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