used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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