Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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