it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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