I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
