Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
