i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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