i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
