I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
