Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Panties = found
Randomize
