I cut my penus on the lid.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
