i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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