So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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