plz talk dirty to me
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
