I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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