the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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