Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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