Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
