I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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