good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
