There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
