I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
