i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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