normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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