so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
