we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
