having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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