So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize