you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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