Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize