why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize