In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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