Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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