Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
