when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
