Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Operation Purity has been aborted
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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