The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
